This Sunday, June 18th is Father's Day. While there isn't quite the same level of gift and card-purchasing panic leading up to the day as on Mother's Day weekend, the holiday still offers a great opportunity to show our dads and father figures that they are loved and appreciated.
Before we get to gift ideas for the dads in our lives, we need to address the elephant in the room. We've all experienced this eye-roll-inducing phenomenon, common to most paternal figures probably the whole world over. Yes, we are referring to Dad Jokes. These are so well-known and usually so bad that they are their own genre, inspiring Twitter accounts, hashtags, and even late-night talk show bits.
Dad jokes may be enjoying their day in the sun now, but everyone knows dad humor predates the internet by at least decades, if not eons. Who knows? Maybe the one about the pterodactyl was first told by a dad who was an eyewitness to their bathroom habits! You have heard that one, right? No? Alright...
"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the "P" is silent!"
See? You can't say you weren't warned.
If you have a dad or father figure in your life, you know each one has his own "style" of dad humor. Oh sure, the jokes are all bad, but there are varying levels and flavors to the badness. What if that variation corresponds to their individual interests? Just for fun, let's assume it does and that it can help us brainstorm the best Father's Day gifts for our completely unique paternal figures. We hope you get a chuckle out of these.
The Storyteller: "Heard the one about the construction? Eh, still working on that one...Maybe the one about the jump rope? Nah, skip that one...How about the one about the pizza? Probably not; that one's too cheesy..."
Your dad might have his own favorites that will leave you wishing you could get those five minutes back at the end of your life, but you have to hand it to him. He's willing to commit the time and effort to not only memorize but also tell these jokes. Maybe this translates into a love for a different kind of epic story...perhaps one that takes place in a galaxy far, far away? For that brand of dad, there's the Star Wars Periodic Table of Elements t-shirt. It's stylish, comfortable, and just plain cool.
Captain Obvious: "Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him."
This type of dad humor relies on the easily dismissed but somehow unmissable truths of life. When you get to the punchline, you roll your eyes while secretly thinking, "how did I not GET that?" But just because his chosen approach to humor relies on the obvious doesn't necessarily mean he won't go looking for his keys while they're in his hand. For those maddening moments, there's the Tile Mate Bluetooth Key Finder. He may keep on telling that same joke, but he'll never lose his keys or gym bag again.
Mister Literal: You ask him to make you a sandwich. He answers, "Poof! You're a sandwich!"
This one isn't funny the first time, let alone the thirteenth. This dad deals in reality; using grammar against unsuspecting kids and enjoying the irritation on their faces just a little too much. There is a silver lining, though: any of us whose dad (or teacher) loved to answer "Can I go to the bathroom?" with "I don't know. Can you?" learned some important rules for sentence structure early on, if only so we could avoid those kinds of encounters. For the fact-loving dad, a scientific biography such as Elon Musk: Tesla, SpaceX, and the Quest for a Fantastic Future might be just the ticket. This will scratch his itch for history and data while also keeping him up on today's advancing technologies.
Life as Comedy: "See those round hay bales? They've stopped making them. The cows weren't getting a square meal."
Road trips with this dad are peppered with similar jests. He begins what seems to be a conversation about the scenery and then BAM! You've been pulled into his jokey web. On the one hand, it's good to know he's paying attention to his surroundings. On the other, you can't help but feel that he'd find a way to make the joke even if there were no hay bales or cows in sight. This dad takes his inspiration from the simple things in life and then bends them to his comedic will using wordplay. Speaking of simple things, what's more mundane than shaving? Probably nothing, but a subscription to the Dollar Shave Club promises to inspire, featuring cheap, high-quality razors delivered right to his doorstep. His jokes? Rough. His face? Smooth.
The Foodie: "What do you call chips that aren't yours? Those are nacho chips!"
Your dad is truly in his glory in the kitchen. Food jokes abound, threatening your sanity and your appetite. The culinary world is his oyster, offering endless opportunities to pick up and abuse all the homophones he sees lying around. It might follow that he's also the type for whom novelty kitchen gadgets are the coolest thing ever. This NFL Team Toaster should fit the bill, especially if he likes to toast his favorite football team.
The Carnivore: "What do you call 2 pigs playing tug of war? Pulled pork!"
Ah, meat. No doubt this Father's Day gives your carnivorous pop a chance to fire up the grill and do what he does best...make jokes about hunting, fishing, and maybe even roadkill. No animal food source is safe from this manly man, which is why the Man Crates Bacon Crate (or one of the other meat-themed options offered by the company) makes a great gift. Opening the crate packaging actually requires an included crowbar, and for an extra fee, you can even have the whole thing wrapped in their "diabolical duct tape". Talk about macho, just the way your meat-eater likes it.
Are you feeling inspired? We know matching bad dad joke styles to Father's Day gift ideas is totally and completely unscientific, but it was fun and maybe even a bit endearing, right? No matter how lame their jokes are, we all know we wouldn't trade our dads and father figures for the world. They've been there for us through everything, and this weekend is a great time to go above and beyond in showing them how much we appreciate it. We may poke fun at them, but if we're really honest, we have to admit we have our own brand of bad dad humor lurking just under the surface, waiting for the right moment to reveal itself.
Here at Liberty HealthShare, the family is at the heart of who we are. From us to all of our member-dads, we're thankful for everything you do. Yes, even the jokes you tell. Happy Father's Day!
The listing of the products above should not be considered an endorsement. Neither Fifth Sun, nor tile, nor Amazon, nor Dollar Shave Club, nor NFL shop, nor Man Crates have given Liberty HealthShare any compensation for this post. We just appreciate their stuff. This completes the disclaimer.